Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
We have great chemis-tree.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
How are waiters and blockers similar? When they do a good job, they get a big fat tip.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
"Did you hear how the baker proposed to his girlfriend?"
"Yeah, he told her he loafed her more than life itself"
"No, he actually told her how much he kneaded her"
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?
Darn Tutankhamun!
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
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