Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
"Have a hoppy Easter."
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers.
The husband says...
"I didn’t even know she sold flowers!"
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.
I went to a new kind of show yesterday, which was hosted by a color-changing lizard. He was a good stand-up chameleon.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Winter is here, weather you like it or not.
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
What should you get Lassie, the star of the hit TV show, for Valentine's Day?
A cauliflower.
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
What does a Greek God say when they answer the phone?
"Whodisious?"
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Why are street thugs so good at basketball?
Because they know how to shoot, steal, and run.
Hold on for deer life.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
Go to BabaMail
