The best place to search for information about witches is wicca-pedia.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
You must be the Easter Bunny, because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
I've been thinking of U periodically.
"I think you should embrace the change, son"
Said my father as he handed me a handful of coins.
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
This is snow laughing matter!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
I'm Claus-trophobic.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
You're one in a melon.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
What kind of magazines would the planets prefer to read? Cosmos.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?
Wayne Regretzky
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
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