Get clover it, babe.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
You’ll be Dublin your fortune soon.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
How many astronomers will it take to just change a lightbulb? None, they like the dark.
I've been dying to go to Greece on vacation.
But all they serve is bar food.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
What do Spanish speaking people prefer to travel in groups of 2 or 4?
No tres-passing.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Wish upon a starfish.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Don't get caught between a chalk and a hard place.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
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