How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
“Feliz navi-dog!”
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!
Why did Billy make a bunch of snowmen to be his friends?
Because he wanted to hang with the cool kids!
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he likes cool music...
Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
What did the painter say to his wife? "I love you with all my art!"
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
The neighbor's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbors have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
He knew literally everything about the constellations. Some might even say that his knowledge of the night sky was astronomical.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
Go to BabaMail
