There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
It's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France;
otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
When in France, I have Nantes-thing to complain about.
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
"Over-easy like Sunday morning."
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Every single person on my flight was reading at the same time.
The plane was fully booked.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What do you call a detective who is also a real estate agent?
Sherlock Homes
Snow on and snow forth.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do chess players from the Czech Republic call their friends?
Czech-mates.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
Why does it take so long for the EU to figure out how much Italy owes them every year?
Hey, ease up. Rome wasn't billed in a day.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
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