This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Dreaming in color is the artist's pigment of imagination.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?
They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
I saw this beautiful tower in Italy..
It was a Pisa art!
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I can heartly wait to see you again.
The book about Mount Everest had quite a cliff hanger.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
This book of spells was useless. The author forgot to run spell check.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
I always have a ball with you.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
A round of Santa-plause, please.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
Go to BabaMail
