What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
We’ve got serious chemistry.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
When does the moon gets his/her stomach full? During full moon.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony.
I told him that was daylight robbery.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
My wife hates my collection of old snake skins.
So I have to keep them in the shed.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
What is the strongest creature in the ocean? A mussel!
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Just look, it’s the Trifle Tower
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
Don’t give into beer pressure.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
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