There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
What do you call two celebrities who get into a gun fight?
One is a shooting star, and the other is a falling star.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
A tormato.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrush’s throat.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.
He said "Si."
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
How will you come to know when the moon will go broke? It would happen when moon is down to its last quarter.
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
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