In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
In the magazine polls held this fall, Autumn was declared as the cutest season because it's awwwtumn!
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
You have me greening from ear to ear.
I sulfur when you argon.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
What’s the biggest danger of building a snow dog?
Frostbite!
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
When autumn arrives, the evergreen tree asked the deciduous tree, "Leafing so soon?'
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Today I be-leaf in leprechauns
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
Have you ever wondered why gulls are known as seagulls? It is because they are by the sea. Had they been by the bay, they would have been called bagels.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What’s the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles because there’s a mile between each s.
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