What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Where does Snowy the snow man hide his money?
In a snow bank.
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
Did you know that fighting increases your risk of heart attack?
Because it's assault.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
How do Greek gods say sorry to one another
"I Apollo-gise"
Why didn't the artist replace his kitchen sink? Because he said that if it's not baroque, don't fix it.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Have you heard about the chef on space station? He’s not that much of an astronaut, but his food is literally out of this world!
How does one astronaut says sorry on the moon tell another astronaut? He Apollo-gises.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
I’m very frond of you.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What did the beach say to the water? "I need some vitamin sea."
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