Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What did the koala say to his girlfriend?
I love you-calpytus.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Did you hear the terrible rumor about the volleyball player? That’s what she set!
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
"No body won the skeleton race."
In Ancient Greece, people who had beliefs contrary to the worship of Poseidon were executed for Heresea.
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
There was a bald man who married his comb.
He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
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