What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
How does Mr. Bean introduce himself in Spain?
Soy Bean.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
From one vegan to another – I think you’re fern-tastic, and I’ll never leaf you baby.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
I really wish my five-year-old son would make up his mind! First, he said he wanted a treehouse in the backyard, but now, he says he doesn't need it…
Took me twenty years to grow that thing!
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Did you know that old bowlers do not die? They simply end up in gutters.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly.
I am now looking at a long sentence.
Go to BabaMail
