Why was the painter upset when his doctor bought all of his paintings? The doctor thought the paintings would go up in value after his death.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Irish food is legen-dairy.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
I'm acorn-y person.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Icy what you did there.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
Cassini spacecraft took pictures of both Saturn and Earth. It was literally the best of both worlds.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
Why did the artist use the bathroom? Because she was consta-painted.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.
I must have left on Data Roman.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Did you hear Ireland is the fastest-growing country in Europe?
Its population is always Dublin.
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
A cannibble.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
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