My colleague kept on missing deadlines, so I advised him not to bite off more than he can blue!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
I really wish my five-year-old son would make up his mind! First, he said he wanted a treehouse in the backyard, but now, he says he doesn't need it…
Took me twenty years to grow that thing!
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
I can heartly wait to see you.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
Can you can a canned can into an un-canned can like a canner can can a canned can into an un-canned can?
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
There is a commonality between a thanksgiving and a bowler guest. They both love turkey.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
“What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.”
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
Why shouldn't you mess with Santa? Because he has a black belt.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
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