“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What's the best way to avoid eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers? Quit cold turkey.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
Why do eggs hate jokes? Because they could crack up.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.
As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "Acá, nada."
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day? It’s worth a shot.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
Does anything come after April A?
May B!
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
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