When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
Seas the day.
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
Here’s more proof that I’ve gone off the deep end.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.
"Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" she asks.
"No thanks, I'm stuffed."
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
I’ll never leaf you.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
Frankenstein’s monster was really worried one day.
“Pull yourself together”, said Frankenstein.
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