I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
It's ice to meet you.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
I’ve always followed in my father’s footsteps until today.
He turned around and said, “STOP!”
He named the street he built after his wife.
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What can I say? I enjoy going to court.
So sue me.
The coffee shop owner was afraid. He wanted to know if the shop had ground to operate in the black.
Whenever fall arrives, leaves start changing their color autumn-matically.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
There’s no reason to wine about you.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
After all is sled and done.
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
Some people think prison is one word… but to criminals it’s the whole sentence.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Double bubble gum, bubbles double
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
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