Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why did the two Irish men fight amongst themselves?
They can’t find any other worthy opponents.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What do you think is a frog’s favorite summertime treat?
Hopsicles!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
What do aliens prefer to drink?
Gravi-tea.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
Irish cuisine is stew-pendous.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
My neighbor was walking across the street while carrying the game Scrabble then suddenly dropped it, leaving the game board and pieces on the ground.
I said: “Hey Jeff! What’s the word on the street?”
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
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