After the guy broke his arm skiing, he realized it was all downhill from there.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Why is the moon so conceited at times?
It becomes full of itself.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Check your shelf before you wreck your shelf.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Go to BabaMail
