Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
The fiance and I were looking at frames for our wedding photos. My wife couldn't take her eyes off the smaller one, but I wanted the larger one. So I told her,
"Honey, you need to look at the bigger picture."
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
I always have a ball with you.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
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