Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
Metaphors be with you.
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
Salty but sweet.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
When you cross summer sun with summer pun you get summer fun.
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
We’re traveling winter-nationally.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
French, French Revolution
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I stumbled upon people arguing about trains in my town.
I told them, what’s the lo-commotion?
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
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