Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
My chickens escaped and over my yard...
I wasn't expecting the coop d'etat.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
"You're poaching all my best yolks."
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
A cannibble.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What happened when the knife went for a drive?
It took a sharp turn.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
"Aloe you vera much."
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Summer is my favorite sea-sun of the year.
Did you hear about the Irishman that drank 100 liters of stout in just 30 minutes?
They’re calling it a Guinness World Record.
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