Keep calm and leprech-on.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
How does Mr. Bean introduce himself in Spain?
Soy Bean.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought
Wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought,
Had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn’t have thought I thought.
Went to a game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, "You know, technically, national anthems are just…
…country music."
What is a Ghost’s favourite film? Paranormal Activity.
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Why do eggs hate jokes? Because they could crack up.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
Did all Europeans give Native Americans smallpox on purpose?
Or is that a blanket statement?
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
Who is the first farmer to walk on the moon?
Neil Farmstrong.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
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