Through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
We’ve got serious chemistry.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
A friend of mine swallowed some food colouring. He feels he dyed a little inside.
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
He was declared to be in Seine.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
Seed between the lines.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
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