What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
"Be kind, re-wine."
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor?
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What did the mountain say to the hill on Valentine's day?
You make my heart gush, I lava you.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
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