What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
Son: I was really Hungary and I ate the whole Turkey. There is only Greece left.
Me: I couldn’t Bolivia!
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad.
I guess it will be 5050.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Can I Alp you?
“Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? He had the drum sticks.”
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
I red a joke about colors once.
It blue my mind.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
It's ice to meet you.
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Q. What did the bully do to the orange?
A. Beat him to a pulp.
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