How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
Eddie edited it.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
How did the telephone propose to his girl?
Duh, ain’t it obvious? He gave her a ring!
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
Go to BabaMail
