What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
I received an award at work for being the most secretive employee.
I can’t tell you how much this means to me.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
He brought along his skiing-eye dog.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
Why should you never eat the fish in France?
Because it's poisson.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
I want to tell you an excellent ice pun, but the problem is that it’s just slipped my mind.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
Did you hear about the Irish potato that immigrated?
He became a French fry.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flour...
My teacher said, I'm the perfect roll model.
You’re my lucky charm.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
Fresh French fried fly fritters
Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you're acute-y.
I have been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends
It means a lot to them.
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
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