A small step for cyan, a giant leap for bluemanity.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Life is way better in sandals, and that's one opinion that I will never flip-flop on.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Your presents is requested.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
The couple who married during autumn lived apple-ly ever after!
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
I was surprised that although I was supposed to be feeling blue, my heart was not that heavy. Perhaps, I am feeling light blue.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
"That's all, yolks."
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
People often accuse me of “stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.”
Their words, not mine.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What do you call one day below freezing and the next day at 70 degrees?
“It’s snowing today, but water you doing tomorrow?”
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What did the fisherman say to the card magician? Take a cod, any cod.
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Once upon a time I was accidentally made a priest.
It was a clerical error.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Go to BabaMail
