I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Fall makes me g-leaf-full!
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
Snowmen decide on everything with a game of eeny, meeny, miny, snow.
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
What was Michael Jackson's favorite Spanish food?
Jamon!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
I have been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends
It means a lot to them.
People are always after me lucky charms.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
You are pitcher perfect.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun
All other vampires pale in comparison.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
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