Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture.
According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What’s the freshest herb you can find in April?
Spring-thyme!
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
"Every bunny was kung fu fighting."
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
Gobbling gargoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.
We are looking pitcher-perfect.
I was cracking some lame fall puns when my friend commented, "Gosh, you are acorny person!"
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What do you call a dog on the beach in the summer? A hot dog!
How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
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