What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
To begin to toboggan first buy a toboggan, but don’t buy too big a toboggan. Too big a toboggan is too big a toboggan to buy to begin to toboggan.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
Why is the taste of moon rock better than that of Earth rock? Because it’s a little meteor.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
I think I found my perfect match
Your good weed for the day.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
I was under the blues, so I had to blue my nose occasionally.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
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