What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
What do you say if you lose a game on St. Patrick's Day?
Game clover.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What do you call the Greek version of Spider-Man?
Pita Parker.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?
Penne Lane.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?
Buoyant!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
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