What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A running joke.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What did one hillbilly say to another? I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do you call someone who rips up books?
A tear-orist.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
What all kinds of stars wear the sunglasses? The movie stars.
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What did Sophocles call his dating service in Ancient Greece?
Oedipal Arrangements.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
Through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
What do you call a broken can opener?
A can't opener
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
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