Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
That look soots you.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
These book puns have tickled your spine.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games.
But that's a Risk I'm willing to take.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
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