If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Who’s your paddy?
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why do the propellers of a plane go around and around?
To keep the pilot cool because if they stopped, man would he sweat
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
I have been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends
It means a lot to them.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
Setters do it better. This sounds like a good motto to put on a T-shirt.
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