Where do sharks go when they want a vacation? Finland
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Say what you want about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
Send toast to ten tense stout saints’ ten tall tents.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
"I think you should embrace the change, son"
Said my father as he handed me a handful of coins.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
Ice simply love it when it snows!
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
I enjoy the cold weather
But only to a certain degree.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
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