Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
I’m so lepre-gone right now.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...
It's called the Santa Clause
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
I was at a thrift store and the guy ahead of me was purchasing an antique urn made in Greece
He asked the cashier if she knew how much a Greek urns.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
I was so tired. I needed a sea-esta on the beach.
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
I like your tight end
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
Did you hear about the couple that split up over coffee?
The lawyer said there were grounds for divorce.
In Ireland, when the cows are in the road it’s udder chaos.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
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