What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
If a painter ever feels stressed or troubled, they take a vacation to the hills. It will easel their mind!
I loaf you.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentifiable frying object.
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
Linda-Lou Lambert Loves Lemon Lollipop Lipgloss.
I always have a souper time with you.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
I think you’re dandelion.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
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