Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
Koi fish always travel in a groups of four
Because the predator will go after the D koi
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
You don’t like my winter pun? How cold!
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
A synonym for cinnamon is a cinnamon synonym.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
“How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!”
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule.
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
"I make pour decisions."
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
What is the shortest month of the year?
M-A-Y.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever ?
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
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