Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What is a witch's favorite makeup?
A ma-scare-a.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What's a camel's favorite part of a meal?
Desert!
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
Let’s shell-ebrate good times and tan lines.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
Wow, wouldn’t mind if you became my significant otter.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
What happened to the skier who was injured the the top of the peak?
It's been all downhill from there.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
What is the fastest way to make a setter angry? Each time you make a pass, tell the setter the ball is “Up” and then say “Yours!”
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
You’re my heartthrob.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
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