I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,
buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
"Just don't carrot all."
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
It's ice to meet you.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Go to BabaMail
