The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
They told me I was too old to hunt for Easter eggs, but the jokes on them!
I prefer mine poached.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
In Ireland, I call the shots.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.
"You crack me up."
That boy narrated his-story really well.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Can I be Candide with you?
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
Where do the astronauts park their vehicles? At the parking meteors.
"Lazy bones."
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What do you call an emergency in the spring?
May day.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
Don’t ever trust a leper-con!
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
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