Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Q. Which famous magician always wore a multi-color suit on stage?
A. Hue-dini.
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
“Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.”
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
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