We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
What kind of deer make great weather forecasters?
Rain-deer.
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
Irish you a whole pot of gold!
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep. The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south. These sheep shouldn’t sleep in a shack; sheep should sleep in a shed.
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What is a frog’s favorite drink on a hot summer day?
Croak-o-cola.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
The favorite fruit of all ghost's are Bloooooo-berries!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
Fishing you a happy day.
What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
I seen my father pouring chicken soup over his compost yesterday
I suppose chicken soup IS good for the soil.
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