We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
Do you know how to dunk cookies? Ask a basketball chef.
What kind of light goes around the earth? A Satel-lite.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Poor white splash.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Who’s your paddy?
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
What do you call a fake Irish stone?
A shamrock.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Zaccheus.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
All farts...are laughing gas.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
I’m browsing the winter-net.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I went to a new kind of show yesterday, which was hosted by a color-changing lizard. He was a good stand-up chameleon.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer? A loose Canon.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
If you notice this notice,
you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
Go to BabaMail
