When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
We’re a perfect mash.
I cannoli be happy
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
That look soots you.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
A patient came to the ER with a rash. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.
She was really itching to get out of here.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
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