Why did the cow go right up to the spaceship? To see the Mooooooooooon.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What happens if the Grim Reaper spikes the ball? You have to dig your own grave.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
Why did the two puns go to camp together?
They wanted to be pun-kmates!
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate, the greedy ape said as he ate: The greener green grapes are, the keener keen apes are to gobble green grape cakes. They’re great!
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Why didnt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
I’m feelin’ green.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
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