Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
I bought a boat because it was for sail.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Saw what I thought was a large dog coloring Easter eggs.
Turned out to be a dyer wolf.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
After all is red and done, all the colors in the rainbow are equally beautiful.
How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
I’ll always be running-back to you.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
I wouldn't say that flying is my favorite way to travel...
But it's up there.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.
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