Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
We like to paddy.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
Are you a flame? Because I think I found my perfect match.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Genoa bout the bridge collapse in Italy?
Ah well, we won't go over it then.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Happy Valentine's day.
Such a Lovely day.
Do you know about April 1st?
Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!
An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.
It's called *Prints of Persia*.
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
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