What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Shake your shamrocks.
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
Your good seed for the day.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Who's the scariest dancer ever?
The Boogie Man.
After all is sled and done.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
“How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!”
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
After a long March, April always puts a little spring in my step.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
I love you from my head tomatoes.
Irish I had better jokes.
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate, the greedy ape said as he ate: The greener green grapes are, the keener keen apes are to gobble green grape cakes. They’re great!
Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
How does one raindrop ask another out? Water you doing tonight?
Did you hear about the two cell phones that got married?
The ceremony was so so but the reception was superb.
What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
Running mates.
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What happens when Greeks come back from war?
They get a gyro’s welcome.
What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
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