What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
How do you know that it's too cold outside for a picnic?
You chip your tooth on the soup.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Bookworms take shelfies.
Why did the fish cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever ?
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
If you're alone and get too cold, you might become ice-olated.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
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