Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
I asked what the lion in my wardrobe was doing.
He said it was Narnia business
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
"Happy eggster."
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put down.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
I went to an art gallery and noticed that all the info was also available in braille.
Nice touch.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
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