A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers.
The husband says...
"I didn’t even know she sold flowers!"
What do you call a Greek love song?
An Aphro-ditty.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Basketball players at times get athletes foot. Come to think of it, it is like the missle toe astronauts get.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
“Someone’s barking up the wrong Christmas tree.”
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Why did the two Irish men fight amongst themselves?
They can’t find any other worthy opponents.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B!
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
What's a fetus's favorite craft?
Embryoidery.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
Sorry, I'm octopied.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard.
I’m not a huge fan of the bark.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
A friend of mine was describing an exotic bird to me and asked what was orange and sounded like a parrot. I told him, "A carrot".
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
Best in snow.
You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
I’m rooting for you!
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
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