What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
All things must grass.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
“Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.”
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Those who study the moon for their course or as a habit, are optimists. And that is because they look at the brighter side always.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
What does a frog in Paris eat?
French Flies.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
Go to BabaMail
