What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Treat yo'elf.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
In grammar you shouldn’t do double negatives.
It’s a no no.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas
The police verdict? Hummuscide.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
They say that the cardio system is the work of artery, but it is really just vein.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
What do you call a pig that knows martial arts?
Pork Chop
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
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