I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Why did the ghoul become green?
It was sick of eating brains!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
What do you call a chameleon that can't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
Where does Snowy the snow man hide his money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
You're one in a melon.
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
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