Why is winter the least popular time of year for a wedding?
Because the grooms always get cold feet!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
I thought about studying the astronomy for my university. But then I thought, I would just be taking up space.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
Which superhero likes spring the best?
Robin.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"
The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
"I've found some bunny to love."
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
Q. Why are orange jokes so dumb?
A. Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
Stay true to your shelf.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
I'm optimistically single.
My bed is half full.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
“Have your elf a merry little Christmas.”
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Once I tried to paint the sky but I blue it.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
Go to BabaMail
