I whale-y like you.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
"That's all, yolks."
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
Which superhero likes spring the best?
Robin.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I don’t know about you, but I think helicopter rescue pilots have the best pick-up lines.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
I have bean thinking about you.
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Why did the cheerleader add extra salt to her food in the summer?
She wanted to do summer-salts.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Go to BabaMail
