Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
The favorite fruit of all ghost's are Bloooooo-berries!
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
I was going to joke about my broken pencil, but it was pointless.
I always find artists romantic because when they love you, they do it with all their art.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
These book puns have tickled your spine.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Hold on for deer life.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
"Say you'll be wine."
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
When you cross summer sun with summer pun you get summer fun.
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