How many snacks could a snack stacker stack, if a snack stacker snacked stacked snacks?
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...
It's called the Santa Clause
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
I only have ice for you.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
Why an astronaut can be said similar to a football player? They both strive for touchdowns!
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Why did the girl decide to become an art dealer? Because she wanted more Monet.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
Why did the American student spend his year in European brothels?
To study a broad.
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