Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
I whale always love you.
When in France, I have Nantes-thing to complain about.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?
The ICU.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
The Christmas alphabet has noel.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet.
Space X has really taken off this past year.
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Snow thank you.
How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Fresh French fried fly fritters
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Son: "Dad, why'd you name me Odysseus? He's from greek mythology."
Dad: "Well son, you broke through the trojan wall."
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Santa's beard is so long because he's bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?
"Alcohol you later."
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
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