I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library
Talk about having to suffer in silence
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
The cold weather always comes towards the end of the year weather you like it or not.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
Snowmen decide on everything with a game of eeny, meeny, miny, snow.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
My favourite piece in chess is the rook
It is the most straight-forward.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Are you squiding me right now?
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
Go to BabaMail
