What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
I like your tight end
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
The painting was framed, so the cops arrested it.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What happened to the skier who was injured the the top of the peak?
It's been all downhill from there.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer? A loose Canon.
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